Tantric Sex – What to Look for in a Tantric Teacher or Therapist
It is important to understand that Tantra is very difficult to define, since it is a very personal and unique journey for each person who undertakes it. Your Tantric teacher or therapist should understand this concept and leave enough room for you and your journey, while teaching the principles. Ideally, the work of a Tantric therapist is to walk beside you on your tantric path, guiding you, but never forcefully overpowering you or controlling you. Keep in mind that the whole point of Tantra is the release of control and conditioning, and the encouragement of individuality and the expression thereof.
While Tantra is about individual expression, within a tantric therapy session, your therapist should present strong and clear personal boundaries of their own. Remember that a therapist who seems to have no boundaries, will not be very respectful or aware of your boundaries. Since a portion of your tantric therapy is based on your therapist helping you to gently overcome some of your personal boundaries and conditioning, it is of vital importance that he/she is aware, respectful and sensitive to your boundaries. This facilitates the development of a trust relationship between you and your Tantric therapist, which will be the solid foundation and a space of safety for your therapeutic tantric journey.
Not all Tantric therapists, teachers, and practitioners offer the same kind of service. Some offer a surrogate service and will stand in as your “romantic partner” in your sessions. Some will offer only a Tantric massage. Others will offer only consultation, teaching and advice, and others will offer a combination of touch and talk therapy, along with teaching. It is up to you to find the best method for you, but always be mindful of the fact that your chosen therapist, teacher or practitioner should be respectful and professional, and most importantly, should have your best interest at heart. Be careful of therapists who offer or request sex for any purpose whatsoever, especially in the early days of your sessions with them. Chances are that the actual offer is for prostitution and not Tantra. A good Tantric therapist will incorporate all aspects of Tantra, as opposed to only focusing on the sexuality in it.
The practice of Tantra should be based on a deep mutual respect, whether you are in a session with a Tantric therapist, or practicing with a partner or friend. It should be fun, relaxing and safe, whilst also being fulfilling and a gentle learning curve.
“The best teachers are those who tell you where to look, but don’t tell you what to see” – Alexandra K Trenfor