When Is It the Right Time to Lose Your Virginity?
Virginity is a strange concept. What actually is it? If a definition had to be assigned the words used would be along the lines of, “someone who has never had sexual intercourse”. It also evokes images of purity and innocence. But is it more complicated than that?
As a heterosexual teenager I remember great emphasis was laid to bear upon intercourse. It was thought that you had not had “sex” until you had intercourse. By the time I did at the age of 17 I had shared many different intimate and personal sexual acts with boyfriends, just not penetration. Yet I was still considered a virgin. I certainly was not innocent.
Taking all the above into consideration, it may appear a trifle hypocritical that after a month of dating my first serious boyfriend, I refused to have sexual intercourse and therefore lose my virginity. He was not one to give up easily and persisted with his cause. He told me he had lost his virginity already to his previous girlfriend – in fact he hadn’t, he was a virgin too. If I had known this I may have succumbed sooner. It would have felt like a new venture we were undertaking together. It was obvious his male ego had to be buttressed by this lie. He needed for me to think he was the experienced one. After three months I gave in and the date was set.
As I grew into an adult – and right up to the current day – I came to view SEX as all sexual acts, not simply intercourse. This also accommodates whatever form your sexuality takes. Many times in a relationship I have chosen not to participate in penetration. Don’t get me wrong, I adore to make love but there are so many other ideas a couple can entertain in a fulfilling way. I would rather explore all the options rather than just sticking to intercourse. Taking this into consideration surly I lost my virginity way before I had sexual intercourse?
A few weeks ago I received mail from a 41-year-old man who is still technically a virgin! He described it as being incredibly frustrating, lonely and crushing. He is a normal guy who has involuntarily managed to hold on to his virginity an abnormal amount of time. He feels this lack of intimacy is literally strangling most other areas of his life. Most of us view losing our virginity as a rite of passage. Becoming an adult. But how would you feel if you missed that window of opportunity? As the years passed, surly it would become increasingly harder to change your virginal condition?